Tribute to New Girl 2009 - 2012
New Girl flew out to defend her territory on May 9, 2012: Banding Day in Harrisburg. She faced a challenger to protect her babies and her ledge. She returned victorious, but most likely already carrying her death within her - unnoticed injuries already beginning to brew the festering infection that would bring her down. We had no idea how soon we were to lose her, but remarked about her odd behavior over the next few days. By the time we could see that she was in trouble, it was already too late. She went from fine to desperately ill to gone forever in such a short span, we didn't have time to prepare ourselves for it. In a year that has seen such losses already, we were now dealt another, for many of us the most crushing blow there could be.
We searched for her, for days, though we knew in our hearts that she was gone. We poured ourselves into watching over her chicks as she could no longer be there to protect them herself. We watched in sorrow as Lil Dad searched out the favorite places where New Girl could often be found, calling for her to come home.
And we shared our worry, our sense of loss and our concern for her young family. It is a month today since that fateful battle, 24 days since our dear girl left us. The ledge and its occupants have moved on with their lives. The boys have fledged successfully and their skill grows every day. Lil Dad has courted another and his suit has been accepted. These things are proper, and I am happy to see them happening. My sorrow for their loss is eased.
But I know nothing will fill the empty place in my heart that belongs only to New Girl. She was MY falcon in a way Mom never was, despite her status and total falcon greatness. Not that I loved Mom or grieved her passing any less, but she was already legendary by the time I found out about the falcons in Harrisburg. She was complete and successful and had already outlasted the averages; she had nothing left to learn or prove and was universally loved. As she deserved.
New Girl wasn't perfect in the same way that Mom was; she was perfect in her own way. She was little more than a juvie herself when she arrived, awkward and playful, like a little girl playing house. Beautiful and just adorable. I loved her from the start, watched her like a doting big sister, and my love grew as I watched how hard she worked at learning to be a good mom and partner. And what a wonderful job she did with Lil One and what a brilliant little flyer he was from the start! Feeding difficulties and messy quarters notwithstanding, I was so proud of her and loved her so much and expected years and years of enjoying her endearing quirks and watching her brilliant offspring.
Instead, before she even got fairly started, her life is over. I don't know what falcons think. I don't know if she faced her death with bitterness that it was too soon, or sorrow that she wouldn't get to see her two precious chicks mature and fledge. Probably not. They say falcons don't have the part of the brain that processes that sort of emotion. Instead, she bravely left the ledge so that she wouldn't draw predators down near her babies and turned her face away from life without any fuss or complaint.
But I feel bitterness and sorrow - for her and for myself. She was robbed of the life she should have had - of the years ahead sharing her life and raising chicks with her mate, of the countless hours wheeling under the sun, feeling the lift under her wings, hunting and catching prey, charging at window-falcons, crying out to the wind, loving life in all its wildness. We were robbed of enjoying these things with her, but more than that, we were robbed of untold future generations that may have been and now will not. She - and we - were robbed of what should have been her greatest legacy.
Yes, her time was short. But she made her own place in the Falcon Roll of Honor. In addition to three wonderful young males, her legacy was courage, devotion, intensity and joy. So today, as I continue to grieve her loss, I also celebrate her life and the love she inspired. She was a magnificent falcon, and we were lucky to have her in our lives. She will be remembered with love forever. A noble legacy indeed.
_________________ “If you were born without wings, do nothing to prevent them from growing.” - Coco Chanel
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